And They Shall Be One Flesh: The Importance of Sharing in Marriage

Heya Folks! What a good day to be alive. I hope all is well for you *sunshine emoji*

This week I learned the importance of sharing in relationships - specifically in engagement and marriage. From the earliest record we have on earth (the Bible) marriage has been defined as such: 

"Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh."1

These were Adam's words -inspired by God's will. He was to leave everything else behind and cleave unto Eve, so that they could be one flesh. To share everything about themselves with each other. We would be wise to follow their example. 

Today I'll share some examples of sharing in the engagement and child-bearing years - hoping to give some ideas of how you can better cleave to your current spouse, or future one. 

A friend told me that in real life, love is much more than a feeling. It is a long series of decisions to be together and to give to one another, a commitment to work together to build a shared life, a day-to-day involvement that changes who we are as people. 

Sharing in Engagement/ Wedding Planning

Many take for-granted key opportunities in the engagement phase. It's a time where future husband and wife can plan together one of the biggest events in their lives - marriage! It can be a stepping stone in 'leaving' your family and 'cleaving' to your partner. 

What often happens during wedding planning:

• Woman plans with her mom and friends, man isn't involved in decision making
• Parents pitch in thousands of dollars, couples takes out loans, or they end up cohabiting because they want a nice wedding (often times if expectations aren't clear parents down the road might expect things in return for pitching in for the wedding)
• Wedding planner is hired
• Community of family and friends aren't usually involved

What could happen that would be beneficial:

• Woman should involve her husband-to-be in as many decisions possible! THEY are getting married, not just her. It's a 'us' and 'we' period
• Learning to budget and work together
• Practicing problem-solving as a couple
• Having family members and communities draw closer together in support of your new lives together (does your uncle DJ? See if that could be his gift to you all at your reception! Are there family members that could help in making refreshments to help save $$?)

One of my professors said when he got married they had $600 to spend. They had the cheapest wedding, but it was family and community focused and many people said it was the best reception they'd been to because it was so laid back and focused on the marriage. 

Sharing in Marriage

There are lots of adjustments in the first year of marriage. Budgeting, time spent with extended family, division of labor, preferences (does he/she like it hot or cold inside? Can they sleep if you're snuggled right next to them?) boundaries with family and members of the opposite sex, and other personal preferences. 

It can be tough! And adding children into the equation brings more challenges, but with God's help, and our personal determination, we can pull through and even thrive. 

Statistics have shown that typically when children come along the average marriage satisfaction goes down after the first two weeks. This decline in marital satisfaction keeps going with each child. That doesn't sound too hopeful, but now that we know this is the case there are ways to actually increase marital satisfaction after each child instead! 

Women have a huge role to play:

• While pregnant, share with your husbands when the baby is moving. Share what you're going through emotionally. Often times during pregnancies women turn to their moms and girlfriends, but one way to bless your marriage is to cleave more to your husband during this period. Have him be the one you share most of what you're experiencing with
• Have your husband attend ultrasound and other doctor appointments with you
• Read to your baby (belly) together 
• Mutually disclose your fears, aspirations, and experiences with this pregnancy. How is your husband feeling? What have you been feeling?
• After the child is born, sometimes men can feel like the wives criticize how they take care of the child. "No, my mom did it this way." Discuss together how you want to parent. Make plans together. If you do correct him at times, show forth excess love and complements outside of that so he still feels loved

There are many ways we can share life with those we love, and it can bond us. I shared some examples of what women can do, but I know men can do a lot as well. 

May we all look for ways to boost those around us - especially those we are closest with. May we find ways to share our life experiences, our love, and our encouragement with all those we interact with. 

Well wishes, 

Ashley Marie