"Home is Where You Are Loved the Most and Act the Worst" - Marjorie Hinckley

 

When I was in 9th grade choir we sang a medley from Fiddler on the Roof. Ever since then I've loved the songs and sing and dance to them when chances permit (If you want something that will bless your life watch the butcher for 4 seconds in "Tradition"  00:02:53. Such a happy, smiley, choppin' meats guy #urwelcome).

ANYWAY

A big theme of the movie is traditions. People do what they do, even if they don't know why they do it, because it's tradition. 

This week I've learned about traditions and family dynamics. Here are possible questions to ponder while reading; 

What kind of family culture do I want to create?

Is there something I should stop doing? Start doing?

In The Family a Proclamation to the World it says:

“Children are an heritage of the Lord” (Psalm 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations. 2 

We've got a huge responsibility to raise children in a home full of love. It's a great comfort to know God will help us if we are willing. 

Foundational to moving on is addressing one of my favorite topics, agency. At the end of the day we can't control anyone else's actions, only our own, but more often than not, changes within ourselves greatly influence others behaviors - especially in the family.

Michael Jackson knew what he was talking about in "Man in the Mirror" (i.e., 🎶 if you wanna make the world a better place take a look in the mirror and make a change 🎶).

Now onto family dynamics...

Family Dynamics: the patterns of interactions among relatives, their roles and relationships, and the various factors that shape their interactions. 3

Last week I talked about some of the divine roles of men. God has said by nature men are to be providers and protectors, and women are primarily responsible for the nurturing of the children. 

My mom did an outstanding job taking role of both parents as she was single for 16 years. Although this is the case, having responsibilities of both parents was a hard challenge. Luckily (and gratefully) we had amazing grandparents we lived with for several years during our most challenging years financially.

However fantastic a single parent is, studies have shown that the preference for healthy outcomes derive from a nuclear family (mom, dad, children), but I do know that this can't always be controlled. I'm sure grateful for a God who helps His children in whatever circumstances they're in!

Tradition: the transmission of customs or beliefs from generation to generation, or the fact of being passed on in this way.

In the past several years I've lived around, dated, and interacted closely with Africans, Europeans, Polynesians, Hispanics, Asians, and of course, Americans. Through the various cultures I saw warmth, love of/tight knit families, great faith, and acceptance of outsiders. I want those traits in my future family. On the flip side I saw some of the effects of physical and emotional abuse that resulted in 'toughness' of some cultures, which I don't want for my future family. 

President Nelson shared a few weeks ago, “As President of the Church, I affirm the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ on this issue. Let me be perfectly clear: Any kind of abuse of women, children or anyone is an abomination to the Lord. 

"He grieves and I grieve whenever anyone is harmed. He mourns, and we all mourn, for each person who has fallen victim to abuse of any kind. Those who perpetrate these hideous acts are not only accountable to the laws of man, but will also face the wrath of Almighty God." 1

In conclusion, sometimes we behave in a certain way because that how we were raised, or we lose patience (this is so hard in parenthood!!! I get it!!), or various other influences, but as 2015 Cinderella said, "Just because it's done doesn't mean it's what should be done." *insert her twirling in her sparkly butterfly dress*

A few examples I've read this week from scholarly articles were about the effects of spanking, yelling at, and washing children's mouth out with soap. Those methods do not work. In the long run they actually have negative consequences on the children's mental health and performances in life. 

So, going back to the earlier question, what kind of culture do you want to create? And is there something you should stop doing? Or start doing?

May you take the initiative to find the resources that will help you stop doing or start doing the things that will change the dynamic of your life and your families. I know God is aware and will help you in your journey.

Well wishes, 

Ashley Marie