5 Tools of Communication That Will Change Your Life

Do you remember the story of Moses and the brazen serpent? To recap, the children of Israel had disobeyed God and He: 

Did straiten them in the wilderness with his rod; for they ^ahardened their hearts... and the Lord straitened them because of their iniquity. He sent fiery flying ^bserpents among them; and after they were bitten he prepared a way that they might be ^chealed; and the labor which they had to perform was to look; and because of the ^dsimpleness of the way, or the easiness of it, there were many who perished.1

You know what I think a human problem is? If an answer is too easy we don't believe it will work. For example, in church we hear that what will keep us protected is reading the scriptures daily, praying, and attending church meetings - what people joke about as the answers we hear every week. Why is that a joke or something we get annoyed with - when in all actuality they are THE answers God has revealed for us? 

Well, today I'm going to tell you about some tools of communication that have changed peoples relationships and marriages in WEEKS, yet my marriage and family therapist teacher of 33+ years has said some people won't follow the principles because they seem too easy. May you and I be wiser. 

David D. Burns, M.D. in Psychiatry from Stanford University shared his 5 secrets of effective communication - which has blessed thousands of lives. It's called the EAR technique. 

It takes a great deal of humility and self-control, but isn't that what we are striving to have in our lives to become more like God? 

There's a story of a girl who was extremely abused in her marriage of two years and decided to divorce her husband, but he wanted to keep in contact so he could see their son. She had the hardest time communicating with him because he would cuss her out, be angry, blame her for ruining their sons life, and the likes. 

After learning about the EAR she applied it. 

One time when they were trying to sort out who took their son trick-or-treating on actual halloween versus going to a church function the day before he said something to the likes of "I can't believe you divorced me because it's going to ruin our sons life." 

Applying several of the the principles above she responded with something like

"You're right, it's going to make things harder for our son. I understand why you would be feeling angry. I'm really grateful our son has a dad who cares about him and wants to stay in his life." 

That changed her exes heart. He said something like, "No, you were right to leave me, because I kept saying I would change but I didn't. I feel pretty ashamed and embarrassed. Our son is so lucky to have such a great mom. You can take him trick-or-treating." 

Another tool to help in your communication is a model like this

When _________ (Event)

I feel/felt ______ (Emotion)

Because _______ (Thoughts)

I would like _______ (Request)

Example:

"When you leave your potato chips and book in the living room it makes me feel frustrated because it means either they stay there or I have to clean it up. I would like you to clean it up for yourself." 

God has said there would be times when we would need to "reprove with sharpness,"2 and in the 1828 Websters dictionary, sharpness meant with surgical precision. 

Would you want a surgeon to use surgical tools that are dull? Most likely not. Often times in our communication we use butterknives.

"You're such a slob!" - Butterknife

"I'd appreciate it if you would put your dirty socks in the hamper" - Precision

May we learn how to communicate with more precision and love, so we can become better disciples of Christ and have our relationships improved. 

Well wishes,

Ashley Marie