6 Needs of Children and What Parents Can Do to Help

We all have needs as human beings, and when they aren't met, it's common for us to lash out and respond poorly. I'm certain we've all been there before. Luckily for us we live in a day and age where we can talk about these things and have many resources to help us become better, and more aware. 

Today I'll be sharing 6 core needs of children's, and what parents can do to help meet those, which will bring greater peace in the home.

1. Need for Contact

Why? Whether it's eye contact, physical contact (hugs, high fives, etc.,) or verbal contact, a child's central nervous system will not fully develop without a lot of contact! 

When not met? The common response for this need not being met is Undue Attention Seeking. The child could act out and be super obnoxious, they could be attention seekers in school, etc., 

What could a parent do? Offer contact freely! It's a no brainer for parents to hold newborns, but as the child gets older, parents tend to have less and less contact with their children, but it's still just as important. When you're walking past your child, touch their shoulder, when they do something awesome give them a high five or hug, 'accidentally' bump into them in the grocery store - small, fun things that make a big difference to them. 

Note: You might not have had contact freely as a kid, but you can be a pioneer in your own future family, how neat is that?

2. Need for belonging

Why? It's important for all humans to feel like they belong, otherwise it creates feelings of loneliness and misbehavior. 

When not met? When this need is also not met the child behaves with Undue Attention Seeking

What can parents do? How do you know when you belong to a team? When you contribute! Children want to feel like they contribute to the family. When parents don't let children participate in chores and such, they're ripping the child off. Have them help around the house in age appropriate ways! 

3. Need for Power

Why? There are a lot of things outside our control, but there are many things within our sphere of influence, and children need to feel power in their own lives. 

When not met? A child rebels, which in a way stops others from having power. 

What can parents do? Give children age-appropriate choices (You could offer a 3yr old a choice between two shirts, or two activities, and so on) and also let them experience the consequences (If your 4th grader doesn't want to do homework and the teacher says the consequence is to stay in from recess and work on it, let that happen! Don't show up to the school and fight the teacher about it. The child's logic center literally won't fully develop in the child. Children NEED to experience consequences for their choices).

Note: One precaution with younger children when playing with them is to not always let them decide how you act because then they'll become terrible friends. Teaching them a balance of opposition is also healthy. 

4. Need for Protection

Why? From emotional and physical harm. They need to feel it and experience it. 

When not met? Revenge

What can parents do? Teach them assertiveness and forgiveness. When a child is acting revengeful, parents often behave that way in return, and that actually reinforces the negative behavior (Parent: "You humiliated me in front of my friends at church, you're not going anywhere. And when your friends come over next time I'll humiliate you"). 

The positive response would be assertiveness. Parents often struggle with being assertive or letting their children. If a child had been rotten but their feelings got hurt and they came up to you and said something like, "Hey, that was unfair what you did and it really hurt my feelings" instead of telling them they deserved it, maybe use the disarming technique (taught a few weeks ago) and find an ounce of truth in what they said. "I can totally see now why that would hurt your feelings, and I am so sad that I did that to you." Doesn't that seem like such a better approach than being revengeful back?

Second positive thing a parent can do is teach the child forgiveness. It can be tough because there really is no way to teach someone forgiveness except through being a forgiving person. God will help you!

5. Need of Withdrawal

Why? We all need rejuvenation time, but if we are constantly on the go we aren't getting that. Children need this just as much as adults do. They need to take breaks. 

When not met? Undue Avoidance. They start to avoid things that are painful or difficult. 

What can parents do? Teach your child to take breaks, then go back at a task. All sports are a great example as they have time-outs to regroup and pause before going at it again. 

6. Need for Challenge

Why? We all have a need to push ourselves to know we can overcome hard things - children included.

 

When not met? Undue risk taking. 

What can parents do? Help children get into skill building. It's not about doing fake challenges or skills, there are plenty of things on a day to day basis children can do to challenge themselves. 

May these tools help you in your parenting and bring greater Christlike love into your home. 

Well wishes,

Ashley Marie