Careful the Things you Say, Children Will Listen

Don't mind the AI Generated quote.... there are some typos but it couldn't quite fix them all HAHA. 

Anywho, has anyone seen the musical Into the Woods?? It's got some very lovely music. I personally don't think it has the best messages ever - lots of cheating on spouses or significant others - but some of the music is nice. 

There's a song called Children Will Listen. It talks about the importance of being careful what you tell your children because they are listening whether we know it or not, or whether it looks like they are or not. Children are easily influenced, so it's important we don't throw out words frivolously that can damage them for years to come. My favorite line in the song says...

Careful the things you say, children will listen. Careful the things you do, children will see and learn.

The message of that song has great messages for parenting. What we call children, what we tell them, and how we approach high-emotion situations really matters. 

Today I shall address three things. First, some wisdom taught by beloved Russell M. Nelson to lay the foundation of what labels and words truly matter. Second, wisdom taught by clinical child therapist (1922-1973) Haim Ginott. Third, concluding wisdom from Ashley Wardwell (me). 

PRESIDENT NELSON

In May 2022, Russell Nelson, President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints held a worldwide devotional for the youth of the church. In it, he talked about identity and who we (everyone in the world) really are. He said, "I believe that if the Lord were speaking to you directly tonight, the first thing He would make sure you understand is your true identity." 

He continued later saying that the labels that should matter the most to us are 1. Being children of God. 2. Being Children of the Covenant (as members of the Church) and 3. Being Disciples of Jesus Christ. 

Those are the only lasting labels we should address ourselves by. We shouldn't be saying things like, I'm stupid, I'm forgetful, I'm ugly, I'm *this that or the other.* 

The same is true for parents in talking with their children. Sometimes parents can be so cruel and say things to their kids like, "Why are you so lazy?" "You're clumsy!" "Stop being annoying." I've even heard parents say things about the way their toddlers looks like "her bottom is so flat." "His hair is untamed." Those types of comments will stay with those children forever! Sticks and stones can break your bones, but words can kill - isn't that how the saying goes?? SO...

Careful the things you say, children will listen. 

HAIM GINOTT

Children therapist, Haim Ginott, was a big advocate for treating children kindly and with respect. The following 2.5 minute video gives great insight into how we often react to children in unkind ways as parents. 

Click Here for Video - Treat Children like House Guests

Would we yell at and call house guests who maybe make mistakes lazy or stupid or dull? Never! We could be kind and patient with them, so why not children?

In Dr. Ginott's book Between Parent and Child he teaches things like sarcasm, setting up children to lie and being impolite towards them is not the way we should treat them. 

A few examples... 

Sarcasm - When parents say things to kids such as, “What makes you think you know all the answers? You don’t even have the brains you were born with. You think you’re so smart!” Wittingly or unwittingly, we should not deflate the child’s status in his own eyes and in the eyes of his peers. Ginott says that Bitter sarcasm and cutting cliches have no place in child upbringing (Ginott, 1965, p. 62). 

Setting them up to lie - When you ask "how was class today?" when you already know the school called and reported the child wasn't there - it sets them up to lie. 

Being impolite towards them while you're trying to teach them to be polite - If your child is interrupting you so you interrupt them and tell you not to interrupt them while talking, what does that teach them? Rather, you could pause and say, "I would like you to wait until I'm done talking to so-and-so and then I will talk to you. Ginott said, "The niceties of the art of living cannot he conveyed with a sledgehammer" (Ginott, 1965, p. 73). 

Careful the things you say, children will listen. 

ASHLEY WARDWELL

All of us would do well to become better peacemakers and be careful how we treat our children. They deserve respect, love, care, and all other qualities any other human deserves. The Lord said children are an heritage of the Him and are entitled to living in a home with parents who care about them. We need to remember that first and foremost they are children of God, children of the covenant, and disciples of Christ (in the making) and how we treat them will have a large impact on how they view themselves. 

May we love and cherish these precious gems! 

References:

Ginott, H. (1965). Between Parent and Child. Harmony/Rodale.